Tag Archives: Catholic Humur

Fratres Inside Scoop: A Sneak Peek Into The 2009 Northern California Call To Action Conference

Regarding Change Agents: Turn Around Is Fair Play

Before being exposed as fraudulent apostates this week, highly trained change agents sent by the editor of this blog infiltrated the infamous church dissent group known as Call To Action.

Miraculously successful (at first) my guys gained access into the higher echelons of the group, with one agent reporting back that he’d even been offered (well actually, he volunteered for) a empty post on the board of the steering committee responsible for the upcoming 2009 Northern California Call To Action Conference…

Deeply troubled and frustrated that my boys had been outed, I finally accepted the fact that the jig was up and asked for their full report on what, if any, information they might have gathered about next years CTA conference. The results surprised me, especially the video clip sneaked out from one clandestine liturgical practice… 

Here’s what we found:

Venue Problems – Past and Present

A venue has yet to be determined by the site committee group. Last year’s site was mentioned as an early possibility, but there seems to be some squabble between hotel management and CTA over billing for incense burns and water damage on the carpet in the hotel’s conference room…

Much ado about nothing has been made over the relative age of participants following the last conference, noting the many grey bears in attendance; however, there is no truth at all to the rumor that the seasoned citizens present were actually paid holdovers from the previous conference held at the Wyndham Hotel two weeks prior: The 11th Annual Seniors and Adults with Disabilities Advocating for Change (No, I did not make that up…Conspiracy theorists, start your engines!)

Name of Event Still Undecided, Tee-Shirt Logo Done Deal

My guys tells me that the name of the ’09’ conference has been whittled down to just two–“Called To Brother Bread, Sister Puppet”, (In reference to calming dissent among dissidents) or the more probable, “Divine Reality Comedy Circus”. There’s further evidence that this last will be the official title, as the shuttle bus for next year’s event has already had its logo painted…(note the video below).

After a fruitless search in the beginning, the Art and Environment Committee had recourse to the only artist who could accurately capture, as event organizer Lisa striebing has noted, “the role of the puppets within the community .”  The artist, for obvious reasons, desires anonymity but our guys got his number–TCJ–along with the logo… It’s a scream.

Communication Problems 

Wanting to follow-up on last years success, directives were sent out to all CTA member’s reminding them to please (please) post their personal conference videos and pics earlier this time on the worldwide web–as last year’s demand for them and interest in joining CTA had grown to such a fevered pitch that the site server was shut down for a considerable amount of time… Hmm.

Secret Liturgical Practices… 

Word was sent out early that the steering committee, after having reviewed last year’s liturgical extravaganza and finding it highly stimulating and successful, yet still, stinging because others described the same debacle as liturgical abuse,  found it necessary to hold closed door liturgical practices free from all press and feisty bloggers.

The problem is, this bit of information was discovered by us to be a ruse. As we found through our efforts that practices for the “09” opening liturgy have actually been ongoing for some time, but, not behind closed doors… Instead, we have video (below) documenting that the practices have actually been held at secret outdoor locations in rural Vermont… Strange? Perhaps. But, maybe a sure giveaway to next year’s venue… I’ll leave it to the conspiracy buffs to check the booking dates for… Yankee Stadium.

Here’s what we gleaned from the video,

1.      The celebrant has not only been chosen, but is working closely with organizers even now to insure a proper celebration of the sacred mysteries. While the same celebrant has yet to be publically named, (and the nature of the video prevents recognition-No, it’s not Steve Martin…) it nonetheless reveals the obvious fact that he/she is not only a priest in good standing, but, also tall in stature within the faith community.

2.       (Lively) sacred music has been selected that maintains last year’s sense of inclusiveness, especially towards our Protestant brothers and sisters, yet, without forgetting to reflect upon our own American Catholic tradition of sacred sound these past 45 years.

3.       And lastly, liturgical dancers will play an even greater role than they did last year! 

Enjoy, and let us know if you find out any clues about the whereabouts of next year’s puppets, so far that’s a secret…